Jokers Page

Went for a curry last night, on the menu was "Chicken Tarka".

I said to the waiter, "What's Chicken Tarka"?

He said : "Well, it's like chicken Tikka, but it's a little 'otter"

A ninety year old man goes to the doctor. Doctor , he says, I can't believe it, my new 18 year old wife is pregnant.

The doctor says, let me tell you a story. A man goes for a walk in the woods. He has his umbrella with him in case of rain. Suddenly a huge bear rears up in front of him, the man points his umbrella at the bear and shouts, Bang! The bear falls to the ground dead with a bullet hole between the eyes.

That's impossible, says the ninety year old, someone else must have shot that bear.

My point exactly, replies the doctor.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin...

.... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...


....I thought to myself, these guys have lost the plot!!

There's a horse running tomorrow called 'Hawk Moth'.

I think it's worth a flutter.

I received a blank text from my wife the other day.

When I got in from work I asked "Why did you send me a blank text?"

"Because I'm not talking to you."

lol very good jokes TB - especially the texting. ~ Carson

My friend text me the other day to say he had been admitted to hospital with food poisoning.

He had made a stew and cooked what he thought was an onion........it turned out to be a daffodil bulb

He said he would be ok though and should be out by the Spring !!!!!!

littlewid-x-

Lai

Nice one LW

WS

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help..

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens.

"That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"





"Easy," replies the man.. "These are my khakis".


Sorry but i don't write these!

good one TB

Lai

Got this from a friend today, it made me smile


Colin was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken a back, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse.’ ‘Oh,’ Little Colin said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.

that's a great one Littlewid

Lai

Brilliant LW. Love it. Out of the mouths of babes
WS

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'






Wife: 'Yes or no.'

tigerburnie wrote:Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'

In remembering that one for the water cooler convo tomorrow ~ Carson

What is a frog doing jumping off a bridge?



Kermitting suicide.

littlewid-x-

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrrrrgh!

Lai

I probably shouldn't have driven home from the pub last night...

Especially as I walked there in the first place.

You are making me laugh TB

littlewid-x-

My mate has invented a new hobby called "blindfold plane watching".








Can't see it taking off.

littlewid-x-